Team Building Sucks

I’ll be honest.

For most of my career I hated team building. And I bet a lot of you do too. Not because you dislike teams. But because it feels so contrived. Forced participation, awkward activities, wasted time when we're too busy already, and the lack of connection to the real work that needs to be done. Trust falls that don't build trust, personality tests that pigeon hole individuals into a limited number of "types," building towers with spaghetti sticks. To what end?

Most teams hate it too. They may fake smile through it (while constantly checking their phones for email, and thinking about all of the work that is not getting done.) They may politely engage (while secretly thinking, "Please don't make me do anything stupid." or "Can't we just get to the real work?")

And that is exactly why I offer team building. Not because I hate it, but because I love a great team. I want people to have more joy at work. We, as humans, thrive on connection, and most of us spend about 1/4 of our life at work with a team where there is no connection, or it is forced. When we don't connect, we mask who we really are. That's exhausting. And it leads to mistrust.

What I’ve learned after years in leadership, change management, neuroscience, coaching, and now equine-assisted work is this:

• Most team building events focus on activities.

• Real team development focuses on trust, behavior, nervous system regulation, and a shared understanding of how we operate as a team.

That’s a very different thing.

When people are stressed, overworked, uncertain, disconnected, or operating in self-protection mode, no amount of contrived fun fixes that. You can’t build trust through forced interaction. But you can create experiences where people naturally begin to:

• notice their impact

• regulate themselves under pressure

• communicate differently

• collaborate more effectively

• become more aware of the energy they bring into a room

At Flying Changes Coach we work with you to develop a team building session that actually builds teams and relates directly to the work that needs to be done. We start with nervous system work to help people understand how they really show up and the impact it has. We also roll up our sleeves and work as a team to create a common purpose and goals, and build a blueprint for team behavior, cohesion, and success. This shared understanding, and clear direction that has everyone's fingerprints on it builds trust and lets us drop the masks. Thats when the team starts to shift.

The horses are also a great help in this area.

Horses respond to clarity, congruence, and presence. They read this information from nervous system cues that humans often try to mask and often miss in each other. (At least on the surface.) Horses don’t care about your title. They don’t care who talks the most in meetings. They don’t care about polished corporate language. They respond to what’s actually happening. And the feedback is immediate.

A team that believes it communicates well may suddenly realize they’re fragmented. A leader who thinks they’re being clear may discover they’re creating confusion. A quiet team member may naturally emerge as the grounding force of the group. Not because someone “said so.” Because the experience made it visible.

That’s what makes this work different. And that's what makes this work build strong teams. We’re not manufacturing connection. We’re creating conditions where real connection can happen.

Ironically, when the pressure to “bond” disappears, people usually begin to bond. And they usually genuinely have fun. Not the forced, performative kind. The kind that happens when people relax enough to be human together. There’s laughter. There’s insight. There are usually a few moments where everyone pauses and says:

“Wow… that’s exactly what we do at work.”

Those moments stick.

Not because they were told what to think. Because they experienced it for themselves.

That’s the kind of team building that builds teams.

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Reach out if you'd like to discuss how we can develop your team.

www.flyingchangescoach.com